i'm just in a place where so much stuff is going on around me, and i feel powerless to try and change/stop/help it.
and the worst thing is, i'm the calm, quiet eye of the storm.
and i hate it.
i hate that everything is smooth sailing, and i know that's completely utterly retarded, like why wouldn't i like everything being good? but i think stress or something makes me feel better.
is that weird?
i'm such a fucking wierdo.
also, (i personally think it's spring) everyone is all "i love love" and i'm all "fuck this. it's obvious that once again, i lose at everything romantic. ever" and it's all, UGH and i hate it. and i wants people to not be all love but i can't do that because that's mean.
can we read into the fact i haven't had a real relationship, ever?
i think i can classify myself as a bitter spinster.
okay, maybe not.
but it's not fair that when i like someone, someone else decides they like them more than me and that's the end of that. or that they are waaay out of my league.
i think i might just become a nun.
wait, no. i hate nuns. they are the worst drivers ever.
fuck. fuck. fuckfuckfuck. i've just had a week of dissapointments.